This is how it goes

It’s not about pride. It’s not about status. It’s not about sex. It’s not about the story. I’m not sure what it is, but I know that it’s not fun anymore. I’m not supposed to feel this way – no – I will not LET myself feel this way. I dropped my guard a little and I got hurt – I didn’t realize I had to play the game ALL the time. It’s exhausting to play the game. I don’t want to play the game. I just want to play, have fun, smile, laugh, with sugar on top. And isn’t that all up to me, you ask? You’re so right – it is  J I guess I just needed a reminder. I deserve more and I need to realize/understand that. Not everything needs to have a label – a name. I am realizing more and more, that I honestly don’t KNOW how to date. I need to learn and this is the perfect place, since I am only here temporarily. It will help me not get attached… or so, something like that. I will not let an outside source make me feel so low again – I refuse. I have so much more to offer and one day I will find someone that appreciates EVERY part of me. I won’t have to hide. I won’t have to pretend. I won’t feel like I need to be someone else. Someone to love me for me and nothing else. And maybe I have already found that - I'm just not ready to accept it yet.