Marin

Well, I'm back in Marin now. Have been for 2 weeks now. I didn't want to be at first, now it's beginning to settle in a bit. I know that I am having lots of fun and smiling a lot, but sometimes I feel numb. Does that make sense? Maybe not, but that's the best way I can describe it. I don't want to "settle" and I feel like when I am in a place for too long, that I get "stuck", like I can't see past my own nose. In a lot of ways America makes me sad - I feel like a lot of people here are in such a hole, just barely living - going through the motions. But then I think... who the hell am I to judge? All I can do is lead by example and pray that I attract people in my life that want the same things - to LIVE. One of my favorite quotes, "We all die, but not all of us live", not sure who it's by. I want to aspire to inspire before I expire - I made that one up :)
It's true though. I want to make my mark on this world and even if it's just changing a few peoples lives.... but how do we know if we are? I got an email from a student in Perth about 4 days after I arrived in California. It basically stated that I had changed his yoga practice and therefore changed his life, by just teaching in Perth for 6 months. Do you know how rewarding it was to hear that? What a kind gesture to take the time to email me a 3 paragraph email explaining this. I feel like those sorts of gestures are rare nowadays and it makes me sad. Do you know how much the world would change if we all just said an extra "thank you" or smiled at a stranger. Well, I think it would make a tremendous difference.
I'm just kind of blabbing about what I'm thinking about - no real order or sense necessarily, but maybe 1 person will understand.
I'm having trouble writing songs and it really bothers me. I stand at the piano and I start with a chord - one idea, which might even move to 2 chords and then I throw away the idea, because I have already decided it's crap, when it's not even a complete idea. Sad really, that I am so judgmental. Maybe I should go back to music school. I just want to learn how to write songs though - and voice lessons, not necessarily get credits and this and that. Just play. I want to play again. Maybe that will happen for me in Austin Texas - I hear it's a popular music scene. I could definitely get something going on there. That's what I said about Perth though.... am I lazy? Or do I really not want to sing/play music?
I'm tired, but I really need to read this chapter in my book "The Hunger Games" - it's getting intense now. So goodnight blog world, not sure when we will meet again. I guess when inspiration hits... like it did tonight. Thanks for letting me purge my thoughts all over your white canvas.
Night